Saturday, 16 April 2016

did god ruined my life? part-1

this is the part one of my life..

i born in a not so poor family. however later my family's income increased..
from the very childhood i had huge attraction towards true love. and so i always wished that i should also have love in my life. however i never got love. when i reached at the age of 24 till date i never touched any girl, never got any hug also. in the age of 24 a girl came in my life. she came through facebook. in facebook she was my friend and she come to know that i believe in true love only. she herself shared her mobile number with me, and started sharing her feelings with me.

just after two months she started ignoring me, i came to know she has a new boyfriend. and that time she also had promised him that she truly loves him and will never leave him. OKAY... i asked her about him, she said that he is her friend and nowadays he is suffering from many many problems, and i am helping him to overcome from problems. if i tell him the truth that she love me (blog writer) and not him, then he will feel very sad..so i will not tell him the truth.

i was very very innocent guy, i immediately believed in her. while she was a very very cunning girl.

two months passed, in these two months she always insisted that she loves me truly and will leave him as soon as him problem gets solved. after two months she (from herself, not because of me) broke his heart. and she got a new boyfriend, who was a muslim and had been in jail for a case of murder. 
again after around one month she came with a new boy friend..

shocking very shocking. i was very very innocent hearted person. and she always used to cheat with me by narrating emotional stories of her boy friends to me. i was not even able to understand that what is going on in my life...
i was in too much pain. i never cheated any one. i never cheated any single person in my life i swear. but then why these things are happening with me. i decided to go in the shelter of god. he is all loving, he is merciful, he can do whatever he wants...

so i go in a temple of the lord. i offered a coconut. i described my feelings to him from my whole whole heart. i described my feelings for around two hours. from that day i started going temple every day and offering a coconut everyday everyday. also i started lighting incense sticks of very very fine quality. that time i was facing severe financial issues. still i did because god can do any miracle he likes. i prayed to that god for around three months, that too without any single gap. two hours of prayer daily with a coconut and fine quality incenses.
after three months i cut down the incense sticks, since i was already in financial trouble. but continued with coconut. for the next two months.and cut down the limit of prayer to half an hour daily.

so overall for around five months of rigorous penance, i got nothing from the all powerful lord. i did whatever i can, i even cried i cried from my whole whole heart. my feelings may have moved a mountain, if lord was really there.

in my life i have always read quotations like this. :-
1. god gives you what you deserve, he never makes any single mistake.
2. the more you suffer, the closer you are to the great great god.
3. the more you suffer, the earlier you will get the moksha.

so you know what? after five months of rigourous penance i convinced my self that i do not deserve love, that really i do not deserve love.. i am a fool. i am a person who can be fooled easily, and persons like this are not worth love.